I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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