I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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