I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
