oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
