I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
