Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
