He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
