In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
