Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
