Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
