The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
