I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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