He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
