Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
