Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
