I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
