Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
