my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i think i have herpe
just one?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
