I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
