I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
