Ambien. No doubt about it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
