he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
