dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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