So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
