Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
