i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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