DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
