can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
