I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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