Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
