we made out on top of his cat.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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