and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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