Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
