dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
