i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
