It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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