she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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