he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
