Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
