I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
