the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
