Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
