You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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