I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When are your genitals available?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
