he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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