Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wear drunk well.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
