What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
