I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
