you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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