If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
