what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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