the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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