forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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