Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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