when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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