I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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