just come out here and I will go home with you...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
