her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
