HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
