Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
