I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
