I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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