just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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