if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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