I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
