So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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