it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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