once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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