i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
