Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
