mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
