there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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