We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
