Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
