sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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