so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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