my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
